According to the Quran, the purpose of marriage is to attain tranquility and peace, which can never be socialgamenews.info Examples of Negative Relationship of Husband & Wife. Many Muslim to her husband." (where is this hadith found) Show your wife that you appreciate her. This is: breaking up between a husband and wife and creating And Allah will test who will follow His guidance and who will follow the.
You have rights over your women and your women also have rights over you. Their rights over you are that you provide food and clothing for them in good faith. Your rights over them are that they do not allow and nor do they give permission, for people to trespass into your house whose presence you dislike. A man must take the helm as a provider, but equally, a woman needs to close ranks and protect the home from any presence that may threaten it.
It is through this synergy and language of give and take that strong marriage is built upon. Love and a successful marriage are defined by kindness and acts of giving between a husband and wife in Islam. At times, we give in kind, such as giving our love, time, effort, energy, imagination and compassion and that is enough. However, there are other times when a well-timed present makes a person feel that much more special.
Get him or her, their favourite attar or book they would like to read. Contrary to what it may seem like, these are not necessarily material expressions of love. What it does convey, is that you took the time to observe and listen to your partners needs and found ways to meet them, which is in itself an ideal way to endear yourself to your partner. Consider taking the time to discuss feelings and emotions. Both men and women are different in the ways in which they feel and interpret behaviour.
Women are often known for being the more vocal sort, needing to communicate with and connect to the people who inhabit their world. On the other hand, men may be the strong silent type, who internalise their feelings rather than expressing them. While there are exceptions to every rule, there has to be a safe space between couples that allow for those feelings to surface. Make sure conversations are constructive, rather than destructive. Speak from a place of building rather than breaking down.
Love Your Wife the Prophet's Way (10+ Hadiths)
Take responsibility for the energy you bring to the table Narrated AbuHurayrah: When the Prophet peace be upon him congratulated a man on his marriage, he said: May Allah bless for you, and may He bless on you, and combine both of you in good works.
Sunan of Abu Dawood — Book 11 Hadith From this narration of hadith, it is evident that each partner needs to take responsibility for the attitude and the actions that they bring to the table in married life.
They say that in this life, your experience is based exactly on what you give. If this is the case, what type of energy are you bringing to the table? When it comes to marriage our approach needs to be equally as awakened and careful. A note to every Muslim husband and wife: No matter what challenges a marriage may be faced with if you change from the sour, frustrated, heavy attitude to a more pleasant demeanour it makes a world of difference to the general view of the marriage.
Kindness, care and consideration to the marriage will all amount to a healthy dose of energy towards building a better bond. For just one evening in the week, skip gym and get home a little earlier to your wife. Ladies, meet your husband in the middle of a work day for a lunch date.
Most importantly speak to your spouse in the quiet times about acts of spontaneity that would add value to their lives. When you are tired from the rigours of daily living and feel overwhelmed by the number of commitments on your plate, just remember that all it takes is one of you to do something exciting and kind to start a positive chain reaction. Marriage is the ultimate act of team work. One of the best examples of this is seen through Prophet Muhammad sall Allahu alaihe wa sallam and Sayyidah Khadijah R.
Awho were in fact the ultimate team. With this in mind, protect your partner, speak positivity into their life. Remember that you are not just a marital partner, but the other half of a winning team. Inshallah, your marriage is a growing asset and foundation upon which you will raise wonderful children and fulfil the goals of half of your deen.
Bearing this in mind, you owe it yourself and your marriage to fuel your mind with positives and how you do this is by reinforcing the good times. It is in this manner that you give your marriage a firm foundation to stand upon. Allow your spouse to be themselves Narrated by Thawban: Would that we knew which property is best so that we might acquire it! We go about our daily lives, worrying about finance, and the glitter of coins and what our neighbours think of us.
Everybody experiences difficulties at different times. As a matter of fact, one can reach maturity through hardship. One must confront them with strength and must try to find solutions to them. Human beings have the ability to meet with hundreds of small and large difficulties and not to give in under the strain of misfortune. Worldly events are not the only reason for our being upset, but rather it is our nervous system which becomes affected by such events and causes us to experience discomfort.
Therefore, if one could control himself when faced with the unhappy events of life, one would not become annoyed or angry. Suppose that you have experienced an unpleasant event. This event is either an inseparable part of daily events with which we cannot interfere or that we cannot help.
Or it might be an event in which we can thrust our own decision. It is obvious that in the former case, our annoyance would not help in anyway. We would be wrong to become angry or bad-tempered. We must remember that we were not responsible for its occurrence and even try to welcome it with a smiling face.
But if our bad experience is of the latter type, then we can seek a suitable solution for it. If we do not lose heart when faced with hardships and try to control ourselves, we can, through prudence, overcome our difficulties. In this way we would not resort to anger which may itself add to our problems. Therefore, a wise person is the one who is not affected by hardships. We have the ability to overcome all difficulties through patience and wisdom.
Is it not a pity that we lose control over matters resulting from inevitable events of life? Moreover, why should you blame your wife and children for your misfortunes? Your wife is performing her share of duty.
She has to take care of the house and the children. She has to do the washing, cooking, ironing, cleaning, etc. You should encourage her in the way you treat her. Your children are also doing their own work. They too wait for their father to make themselves happy. Teach them the right things and encourage them in their studies. Is it fair that you confront your family with a grim and angry face? They expect you to fulfill their righteous desires. They expect kindness from you and want you to talk to them gently and behave pleasantly.
They would hate you for ignoring their feelings and for turning the house into a dark place in which there is not a glimpse of happiness. Do you know how much they could suffer from your unpleasant and harsh manners? Even if you do not take your family very seriously, at least have mercy upon yourself.
You can be sure that you would damage your own health by being bad-tempered. How can you continue to work and how can you achieve anything successfully? Why should you turn your house into a hell? Is it not better for you to always be happy and confront your problems with prudence and not anger? Would you not prefer to believe that anger would not solve your problems, but rather it would add to them? Would you not agree that, while being at home, you should rest and regain your strength in order to find a suitable solution to your problem with a clear mind?
You should meet your family with a smile on your face. You should joke with them in a nice manner and try to create a happy atmosphere at home. You should eat and drink with them and take rest.
In this way you and your family would enjoy life and you would overcome your problems easily. That is why the holy religion of Islam regards good behaviour as a part of religion and a sign of the utmost level of faith. The best among you the people is one who does good to his family'. The Prophet S placed the dead body in the grave with his pious hands and then covered it. There is not anyone who is completely happy with his situation.
But some people are more patient with their hardships than others, they try to record them in their memories and do not mention them except when there is reason or revealing them. On the other hand, there are people who are so weak that they cannot keep any problem to themselves. They are so used to making complaints that upon meeting others, they start complaining.
Wherever they, go and whenever they are in a gathering, they moan about the everyday events which have effected their lives it is as if they haven sent on a mission by Satan himself, to spoil the happiness of others. That is why most friends and relatives do not want to be bothered with these and try to keep away from them as much as possible. But one must feel sorry for their wives and children who have to cope with them.
Because no one else is prepared to listen to their moaning, these men vent their problems before their families. They sometimes complain about their expenses, the taxis, their friends, and sometimes they moan about their colleagues, their businesses, diseases, doctors, and so on.
These men are very pessimistic and, do not see any good in this world. They suffer themselves as well as make and especially their families, suffer too.
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What is the point of making complaints all the time? What do you achieve by moaning? Why should your family suffer if you are angry with the taxi driver? Why do you blame your wife if your business is not brisk? Do not forget that your attitude would repel your family from you. They will become disappointed in you and disheartened with the house. They might even run away from home and might fall into the trap of corruption and crime. The least is that it leaves a mental scar on them.
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Is it not better not to spoil your family's happiness? When returning home, try to forget your problems. Be happy with your family. Have a laugh and enjoy their company. Islam has also regarded patience and refusing to make complaints as good behaviour and has even allocated a reward for it. They moan at every trivial matter: Why is the lunch not ready?
Why is that vase here? Have I not said before that ashtrays should not be on the floor? Some men take this attitude so far that it causes rows and quarrels within their family, and sometimes a family break- down as a result of their behaviour.
Of course we are not saying that men do not have the right to tell their wives what to do and what not to do. In the first part of this book, women were recommended to acknowledge this right. There we stated that women should not show stubbornness towards their husbands' suggestions regarding household affairs. However, men should keep their logic and wisdom. They are their families' guardians and as such they should act properly. If a man wants to successfully participate in the affairs of the house then he should do so in a calculated manner.
As a matter of fact, since a man does not have enough time to participate in all the matters regarding his house and because he lacks the necessary expertise in this connection, then it is to his advantage to leave the housework to his wife.
A man should leave his wife at liberty with regard to running the house. Men can, however, under the pretext of consultation, not forcefully, remind their wives about certain points. Once a wise woman finds out her husband's wishes about any matter, she would try to conform with them. Therefore, a man and a woman who care for each other and their family, can through talking together in a kind manner, reach many agreements on all matters.
In this way, most women are prepared to conform with their husbands' occasional demands. But if his participation takes the form of picking up fault and constant moaning, then the housewife gets used to them and consequently this attitude becomes a usual affair from which nothing useful would result. A woman with a moaning husband would not take him seriously.
She may even ignore his proper and important points of concern. She would reason for herself "Why should I waste my energy, if my husband is not ever satisfied with my work? This is when their house turns into a battlefield. Constant criticism of each other would then prepare the ground for separation and thus a family unit breaks down.
In this scenario the woman is not to be blamed because even a wise and patient wife would run out of patience as a result of continuously humiliating attitude of her husband. After further enquiries, this man's wife said: He constantly criticizes me on my cooking and running the affairs of house.
Therefore, I have left him to find peace somewhere else'.Amazing Hadees About Husband and Wife Relationship
It is wrong to deprive them of their rights or to turn them into puppets. It is wiser to leave them to run the house the way they like. As a result, your wife does her job enthusiastically, you would remain happy and your house would be a home for a happy family.
Appease Her and Sympathize with Her A woman also, similar to a man, undergoes emotional changes. She experiences happiness, anger, sorrow, etc. She becomes tired from housework and may become annoyed with the children.
Others may upset her by their criticisms. She might become involved in competing with others. In short, a woman confronts many problems of which some may affect her so much so that she might become desperate to such an extent so as to react unkindly towards trivial matters.
This is especially the case for women, because they are very sensitive and would react more critically towards unpleasant events as compared to men. Women, who experience hardship, need appeasing. Men must comfort them because they are their partners and the ones who are trusted by their wives. When you find your wife in a state of distress and anger, then try to understand her situation. If you enter your house and she does not salute you, you say 'salam' to her.
This would not belittle you. Talk to her with a smiling face. Help her in the housework. Be careful not to offend her in any way. Do not tease her. If she is not in a mood to talk, then leave her alone. Pretend you are more concerned with her problem than herself. Let her reveal her grievances for you. Then like a kind father or a sympathetic husband try to help her find a solution to her problem. Encourage her to be patient.
Through wisdom and logic make her regard her problems as trivial. Strengthen her character and assist her in overcoming the cause of her annoyance. Be patient and treat her according to your logic.
She would certainly find your help useful and life will soon get back to normal for both of you. On the contrary, your wrong approach would cause more distress for her. You would also suffer and it might even turn into a major row from which, both of you would suffer. Do not pick up Faults There is no one in this world who has all the qualities and free from all the faults. Some people may be too fat or too thin. Their mouth may be too big, have large noses or big teeth.
Part 2: The Duties of Men
Others may be dirty, impolite, shy, cheeky, depressed, bad-tempered, jealous, lazy or selfish. Some women may not be good cooks or talented hostesses. Some people may eat too much or spend lavishly. In brief, everyone is imperfect and no one in this world can be regarded as a perfect being. Men usually, before marriage, imagine their ideal woman to be devoid of all faults.
They ignore this fact that there is no angel-like figure in our universe. These men, once married, find their ideal wives not to be perfect and thus start to point out their faults. They might even regard their marriages as failures and call themselves 'unlucky'. These men are always moaning and do not even spare the trivial faults of their wives.
Some men exaggerate the faults so much that they always appear before them like high mountains. They occasionally mention these faults to their wives and humiliate them. They might even mention them before friends and relatives. As a result, the foundation of their marital life starts trembling. The woman becomes depressed and loses interest in her husband and family.
She would think it illogical to work in the house of someone who criticizes her. She might even take retaliatory measures. The man says to his wife: A continuation of this conversation opens the door for criticisms and turns the house into a battlefield in which the couple insults and degrades each other. If they live like this, they would not enjoy their lives ever again, because a house devoid of family love and sincerity, is not a place of comfort.
Moreover, a man who regards himself as unlucky and his marriage as a failure, and a woman who is constantly being humiliated, are both prone to mental disorders and other illnesses. If the magnitude of their row becomes larger then there is always the danger of divorce and separation. A divorce is not very helpful to either party especially if there are children in the family. Society does not have much respect for a divorcee.
Moreover, a divorce would inflict economic losses on a man, which are not easily repairable. This is especially true if he wants to re-marry, since he would also have to spend money on his second marriage. Furthermore, it is not at all clear that a divorcee is able to find another woman who would live up to his expectations. Re-marriage would not be easy for him because of his past record.
Even if he finds another woman, she would definitely possess certain faults also. She may even turn out to be worse than his first wife. He would then have to cope with her. This is because some men are too proud to confess their shortcomings. It is rare to find a man who is fully satisfied with his second marriage. It has even been seen that some men return to their first wives. Why should you look at your wife with a view of finding her faults and why do you place so much importance on her trivial defects?
Why do you magnify her deficiencies so much so that it causes suffering for you and your family? Have you ever seen a perfect woman? Are you perfect yourself? What are trivial deficiencies worth that you endanger your marriage for their sake? Be certain that if you look at your wife with a logical and fair view, you would see many good points about her.
You look and see that her merits would outweigh her deficiencies. Islam regards this attitude as harmful and distasteful and thus forbids all from finding other people's faults. Do not speak ill of Muslims and do not set out to find their faults because whoever picks up fault with others, would be criticized by Allah and even if such a person is at his house, he would be disgraced'.
This distasteful behaviour creates enmity among friends and relatives and can break families. It has even been responsible for murder. There are various reasons for such behaviour, like jealousy, anger, vengeance and hostility. Some people resort to defamatory words in order to satisfy their own ego, to attract others' attention towards themselves, or to pretend to be sympathetic with someone else.
But it is rarely a case that slanderous statements are based on good intentions. Therefore, a wise and clever man should ignore such statements. He must always analyze the statements of the speaker in order not to be deceived or influenced by his evil insinuations. One of the points for men to remember is that generally their mothers, sisters and brothers, despite their apparent friendship, do not enjoy a good relationship with their wives.
The reason is that a man, before marriage, spends years with his parents where he does not have much independence. His parents, who have worked hard to bring him up, expect him to be helpful to them in their old age. Even after they marry their son off and apparently give him independence, they expect him to conform to their own will and wishes.
They like their son to pay more attention to them than to his wife. But the reality is that when a man starts a marital life, he makes a great deal of effort for his new family, wife, and independence.
Husband and Wife in Islam - 10 Tips to Spice Up the Bond
He directs his love towards his wife and works hard in this connection. The more he steps in this direction, the farther he goes away from his parents. Thus his mother and sister s specifically feel offended. They regard their new bride as a threat who would be taking their young boy away from them. They might even blame their bride for separating their boy from his family.
Mothers may sometimes think that the best way of confronting this danger is by implementing ways of lessening their sons' affection towards their wives. A mother of this kind would then start to point out her daughter-in-law's deficiencies, spread lies about her, speak defamatory words about her, conspire against her, etc.
If a man is simple or naive, he might even be influenced by his mother's defamatory statements. He would then become a tool in the hands of his family after which he would lose interest in his wife. Under his parents' influence, the man would start to moan and pick up faults with his wife. He would criticize her on any possible occasion.
As a result, the family house could turn into a cold and dull place. Instigations of men by their mothers and sisters could lead to rows and even fights between a man and his wife. A wife in this condition might resort to drastic measures such as committing suicide. After an operation on her to remove the pins from her stomach, she said in the hospital: The day I entered the house of my husband, I felt as lucky as other married women. But after only a few days, my husband and his sister started criticizing me.
Their attitude made life very difficult for me. Finally I decided to kill myself and swallowed a few pins'. Of course it is not possible to stop people from talking but it is possible to neutralize their talks.
A man must be aware that criticisms about his wife by his mother, sister, etc are not meant to be sympathetic and out of good intentions, but the main reasons are jealousy, enmity, selfishness, etc. He must remember that because his wife draws much of his attention towards herself, his family envies her and regards her as a usurper of their young man.
Therefore, they resort to ways of preventing their love to grow. In brief, mothers, sisters, and brothers of this kind are not bothered with your happiness, but rather they are concerned with their own interests. If they were concerned with your happiness, they would have done something different. It is very strange that parents make a great deal of compliments of a woman who wants to marry their son, but once their son marries that woman, the parents turn completely the opposite way.
Do not be deceived. Those deficiencies that your family set forth for your wife are not relevant; and even if they are not trivial, then remember that nobody is perfect. Anyway, are your sister, mother or others who criticize your wife, themselves perfect beings? Paying attention to their slanderous statements would only adversely affect your family life.
You might even end up with a divorce as a result of which you would suffer mentally and economically. A re-marriage would not be easy. Even if you find another woman to marry, it is not at all obvious that she is any better than your former wife. How do you make sure that your family would not treat her as badly as they did with your former wife? So it is better for you to tell your mother, sister and others right now that your wife suits you and that you love her.
You must declare to them that they should stop criticizing your wife or else your wife or else you would cut off your relationship with them. Once they feel your firm attitude, they would stop their instigative attitude and you may find peace with your wife. But unfortunately, some mothers and sisters do not give up easily and resort to malicious accusations such as adultery.
The problem becomes so serious that a man might, based on his mother's statements, divorce his wife or even kill her. The man said in the court: I found a few of her letters last night'.
His wife while crying, said: But now that their mischievous deeds have not affected my husband, they have forged some love-letters and have placed them in my wardrobe in order to instigate him to divorce me'. The court reconciled the couple with each other and advised the man to tell his mother and sister to stop their malicious acts towards their bride.
Neighbours soon put the fire out and took her to the hospital. She said in the hospital: She constantly picks up fault with me.
She raises excuses and is very furious in nature. She does not miss an opportunity to create a row between me and my husband. Yesterday I went for shopping and accidentally met one of my old school friends. We talked a while and then I returned home. My mother-in-law started questioning me as to why I was late?
I explained but she was not satisfied. She said that I was lying and that I was having an affair with the butcher in our street. I got furious and felt so frustrated that I decided to kill myself. He should make enquiries about them patiently and not jump to conclusions blindly. Of course one's parents work hard and suffer a great deal in bringing up their children and thus make them become the centre of all their hopes.
They expect him to be a helping hand for them in their old age and their expectations are just that. So it is not fair that when one gains independency, he should forget about his duties towards his parents.
He should attend to their rightful wishes even after he is married. He must maintain their respect and be humble before them. He is duty-bound to help them money wise if they ever needed it. He should not cut off his relationship with them and must invite them to his house. He must demand his wife and children to show their respect for them. He must make his wife understand that if she would respect his parents, they would not feel the necessity of annoying her and would even be proud of her and support her.